Don’t Take it Personal!
It is something that we hear all to often in our industry, ‘Don’t take it personal!’ But let’s be real, that is a lot easier said than done. Whether you are a manager, board member, or business partner, each role comes under fire from time to time. You are told horrible, nasty things that you wouldn’t want to repeat to your children. But yet, you are expected to take the verbal (sometime physical) abuse as if it is normal. That leads to a lot of weight on one’s shoulders and of course BURNOUT!
We cannot avoid the communications with others that are needed in our industry. With strong interpersonal skills, each of us can have successful interactions with others. Take control of your thoughts and feelings with your mindset and become aware of not just yours but also other people’s Emotional Intelligence (EI). The ability to manage your own emotions and understand the emotion of those around you will result in a positive shift in your mindset.
There are five steps of Emotional Intelligence in Daniel Goleman’s Mixed Model. Let’s take a quick look at each one as it relates to questions you should ask yourself.
Self-Awareness – Are you aware of your own emotions? What drives you to get up and do what you do? Do you consider how your actions and feelings impact others?
Self-Regulation – Are you able to pivot your emotions depending on the circumstances to stay professional? Do unforeseen changes cause disruption in your thoughts and actions?
Motivation – What drives you to work and achieve more? Do you have energy and passion in your actions? Are you working towards goals?
Empathy – Are you able to understand where someone else is coming from? Do you engage with someone based on their emotions? Do you try to look at things from their perspective?
Social Skills – How are you managing your network? Are you considered someone who is trusted and relied upon? Do you engage in productive communications?
Now how does this model fit into the community association world? Well let’s look at it from the perspective of individuals operating at low or high EI.
Think of the vocal minority in a community as being an individual who often has a low EI. They are the ones that are confrontational, aggressive with a personal agenda, critical of the board and management, and very hard to please regardless of compromising efforts. Individuals with low EI are unhappy and often in a negative mindset. They are not self-aware and could often care less how their behavior is impacting someone else. A low EI individual often has awkward social skills or avoids public environments all together.
The enthusiastic volunteers, successful managers, and trusted business partners are those individuals with a high EI. They bring enthusiasm to the conversation with attention to detail, listening to understand, and being ambitious in achieving what is good for the community. High EI individuals are the ones that we want to work with and be around to keep everyone in a positive mindset. They are very much aware of their own emotions and how others around them are feeling. High EI’s can access the crowd and make adjustments in their interactions to drive productive conversations.
Unfortunately, there is some truth to the approach of not taking it personally. You do not want to let an individual with a low EI weigh you down in your thoughts. Instead, shift your perspective and consider where they stand in the EI model so you can handle accordingly.
“If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." - Mary Engelbreit